you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
