I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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