My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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