I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
