we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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