he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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