U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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