What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
