I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
