Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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