The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
