Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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