This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
