well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
