dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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