Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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