I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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