It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
