the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
