I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
