she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
