It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
