my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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