Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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