dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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