I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
