At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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