is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
