great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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