just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
