so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
