hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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