Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
