so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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