Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
