your parents love me but you hate me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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