she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
