So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
