I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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