chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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