I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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