Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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