I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
