Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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