even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
