OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
