Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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