now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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