does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
