omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
