My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
