Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
