i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
