I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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