look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So apparently I’m into choking now
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